and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
