need another drink. this is the easiest way
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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