my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You made out with two different species that night
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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