I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
