I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
