It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
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