i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
