u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
