Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
