then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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