Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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