hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
