I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
