we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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