just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
