I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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