ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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