I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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