Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
