Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
