I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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