I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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