my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
