And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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