Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
