I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
