He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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