I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
it hurts more in the daytime
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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