It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
