peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
