Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
