i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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