Define "chronic" masturbator.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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