that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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