i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
