Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
