Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
thus making me awesome and them whores
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
