Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
