i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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