my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
