I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
