You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
tell me about the eggs
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
