So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
