Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
