The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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