Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
