I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
