he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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