her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
