uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
