How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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